We have a contract on our house!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Confession
Today is Easter.
I didn't go to church.
Again.
Sigh.
This is the third year I have missed church on Easter Sunday. And I have only been to church once or twice this year.
Why? I don't even know if I know why.
I still love God and read His word. I am still thankful and in awe of Jesus' sacrifice for me. I still want to be more holy and to live for Him. I just have no desire to go to church.
Actually, the whole thing started several years ago. I began to watch others who attended church and see things they were doing to discredit the name of Christ. Before you judge me or tell me I am capable of every sin they commit, let me say that I understand that and make no claims of being 'holier' than they are.
But I do think there should be some accountability from the leaders in a church. And that is rare and hard to find. Even if a church exercised it's right to discipline it's member's they could just leave and go to another church where no one knew about their past indiscretions.
And then I struggle with the fact that the church is the best place for sinners to be. They should be hearing the word of God and, maybe, be getting convicted.
Sigh.
I am such a hypocrite.
I have been hurt by the church when I needed someone, anyone, to call me and just talk. When I have felt confused or lonely and uncared for. When I have walked into a church and everyone is too busy 'serving' to talk or fellowship or even say hello. When I have been sick or asked for prayer and no one reached out to me. When I have not been invited or have been left out of something.
And I have done these things to others.
I am such a hypocrite.
I don't have the answer. I know that I will go back to church eventually and I will try again. Maybe before we move. Maybe not. I know that moving around so frequently for the Air Force has caused some of my apathy. Moving to a place knowing your 'assignment clock' is ticking.
It kind of goes like this:
When I look back at times when I have been committed to a particular church body, and very active and involved, I recognize the common denominator of being part of a small, intimate group of friends within the church.
I have come to believe that when we attend church with people, but have no one in the body who really knows us, we can wear masks and pretend that our lives are perfect. But when we are real with each other, in smaller settings, we can share our struggles with sin and temptations. Then we are a body that really cares for the parts that are hurting.
I don't know when I will go back to church. But I know I will.
I didn't go to church.
Again.
Sigh.
This is the third year I have missed church on Easter Sunday. And I have only been to church once or twice this year.
Why? I don't even know if I know why.
I still love God and read His word. I am still thankful and in awe of Jesus' sacrifice for me. I still want to be more holy and to live for Him. I just have no desire to go to church.
Actually, the whole thing started several years ago. I began to watch others who attended church and see things they were doing to discredit the name of Christ. Before you judge me or tell me I am capable of every sin they commit, let me say that I understand that and make no claims of being 'holier' than they are.
But I do think there should be some accountability from the leaders in a church. And that is rare and hard to find. Even if a church exercised it's right to discipline it's member's they could just leave and go to another church where no one knew about their past indiscretions.
And then I struggle with the fact that the church is the best place for sinners to be. They should be hearing the word of God and, maybe, be getting convicted.
Sigh.
I am such a hypocrite.
I have been hurt by the church when I needed someone, anyone, to call me and just talk. When I have felt confused or lonely and uncared for. When I have walked into a church and everyone is too busy 'serving' to talk or fellowship or even say hello. When I have been sick or asked for prayer and no one reached out to me. When I have not been invited or have been left out of something.
And I have done these things to others.
I am such a hypocrite.
I don't have the answer. I know that I will go back to church eventually and I will try again. Maybe before we move. Maybe not. I know that moving around so frequently for the Air Force has caused some of my apathy. Moving to a place knowing your 'assignment clock' is ticking.
It kind of goes like this:
1. Try church 1, think it might be a good fit, stay a few weeks, decide it won't work.
2. Try church 2, know it isn't the one after one visit.
3. Try church 3, stay a few weeks before you decide it just won't work.
4. During the entire church search you pray but you feel like you just can't hear from God. What to do?
5. Decide to go back to church 1.
6. Stay a few months and find out there are things at this church you really like but other things really bother you. Pray that you can 'overlook' these things and examine them in light of scripture.
7. Decide you have to leave church 1 and go back to church 3. Repeat step 6.
8. This time, even though there are things you really don't like about church 3, you stay because your 'assignment clock' is ticking. You know you have to go to church somewhere so you 'settle' at church 3.
9. Things happen that bother you at church 3, and because you know you 'settled' at this church, you become discontent and begin to think you should have stayed at church 1.
10. Finally, you only have a few months left at this assignment so you start to pull back from church 3 and may even stop attendance all together. After all, you are moving soon and you can start all over with a new church.
When I look back at times when I have been committed to a particular church body, and very active and involved, I recognize the common denominator of being part of a small, intimate group of friends within the church.
I have come to believe that when we attend church with people, but have no one in the body who really knows us, we can wear masks and pretend that our lives are perfect. But when we are real with each other, in smaller settings, we can share our struggles with sin and temptations. Then we are a body that really cares for the parts that are hurting.
I don't know when I will go back to church. But I know I will.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Spring, Spring, Spring
Today I am thinking of daffodils, forsythia and dogwood trees.
It is Spring!
It is so hard to live where green things pop up so late in the season and the cold still keeps us sitting by the fire in the evenings. When we were in Virginia for Spring break a couple of weeks ago things were blooming and growing. Green was everywhere and while the birds were busy building nests the gardeners were tilling and planting their gardens.
Life was teeming everywhere we looked.
So I decided to link to Anna's blog post about our visit because she has some lovely pictures.
And:
It is Spring!
It is so hard to live where green things pop up so late in the season and the cold still keeps us sitting by the fire in the evenings. When we were in Virginia for Spring break a couple of weeks ago things were blooming and growing. Green was everywhere and while the birds were busy building nests the gardeners were tilling and planting their gardens.
Life was teeming everywhere we looked.
So I decided to link to Anna's blog post about our visit because she has some lovely pictures.
And:
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Learning to have charitable judgement
I read this post by Tara Barthel and felt I could relate.
I have had uncharitable judgment for so many people.
And there are days when I know others are having uncharitable judgment toward me.
It is hard to assume that things happen, that people do or say hurtful things in ignorance or unintentionally. Just hard.
There have been times when I have gone to church exhausted and left without speaking to others-but I always give myself grace because I know what is going on in my life. I know my reasons.
And they are ALWAYS good reasons.
At least they are to me.
Giving others the same grace I want for myself is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn to do. And I am still learning to live this prayer.
I have had uncharitable judgment for so many people.
And there are days when I know others are having uncharitable judgment toward me.
It is hard to assume that things happen, that people do or say hurtful things in ignorance or unintentionally. Just hard.
There have been times when I have gone to church exhausted and left without speaking to others-but I always give myself grace because I know what is going on in my life. I know my reasons.
And they are ALWAYS good reasons.
At least they are to me.
Giving others the same grace I want for myself is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn to do. And I am still learning to live this prayer.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Five Random Things for Friday
Our house is on the market! Finally.
I didn't finish all I wanted to before the ad was on the web or the sign was in the yard.
We were just running out of time.
My husband had his first job interview ever today and it seemed to go well. Thank you military life for saving us from this anxious experience.
The new medication seems to be working for our eldest daughter's chronic headaches.
A graduation dress has been found for our lovely graduate and she looks beautiful in it (of course). And I'll bet that if you know her you know what color it is.
And a song that I am in love with:
I didn't finish all I wanted to before the ad was on the web or the sign was in the yard.
We were just running out of time.
My husband had his first job interview ever today and it seemed to go well. Thank you military life for saving us from this anxious experience.
The new medication seems to be working for our eldest daughter's chronic headaches.
A graduation dress has been found for our lovely graduate and she looks beautiful in it (of course). And I'll bet that if you know her you know what color it is.
And a song that I am in love with:
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