Enjoying this season

I get up when I want to each morning and drink coffee and read the Bible and the news and a few blogs.
I am just a slow starter.

And for once in my life I don't feel guilty about that.

Years ago when my children were small I read some books and articles that said I should read my Bible first thing each morning, before anything else. I carried that rock in my guilt sack for many years.

I have finally learned to give myself grace for the years when I was learning how to function in real life as a Christian. I didn't have the benefit of a Christian home so I had never established a daily habit of reading the Bible or prayer. I prayed when I needed something and read the Bible in church.

And it really is true that the older you are the harder it is to establish a habit for life.

And it is especially true that it is even more difficult to take care of your spiritual needs when you have many little ones clamoring for their physical needs to be met. For several years I felt that A.L.L. I could do was the basics.

We tried to host Bible studies at different times when our children were small. But the pure exhaustion I would feel after doing my regular work plus preparing food and cleaning the house for company would leave me fighting not to fall asleep and would eventually become too much.

I can vividly remember getting my children ready for church and being in such a frazzled state by the time we arrived that it was extremely difficult to focus on worship.

Once Tracy attended a men's study and breakfast before church on Sunday's. I was pregnant and had our three little ones to ready for Sunday School and church. I was so angry at the church for not thinking of the mothers who were just like me when they decided upon the time for that study. Tracy stopped going and many men didn't understand why..... but their wives did.

We live here in the Bible Belt now and I watch as families hustle to church on Sundays and again on Sunday night and then again on Wednesday night. Most Sundays are not restful for families with children and Wednesday can be a nightmare for mother's who work and have to feed their family before church.

We thought the answer might be in the 'family integrated' church movement. I remember purchasing this book many years ago and being so excited. The problem was finding a church that shared our values and ideas. When we lived in Colorado we thought we had found just that and were excited to be part of a new, and exciting, church movement.

And, I am sure you know the rest of the story. We were disappointed in leadership and frustrated at the way women were given specific roles. My heart would go out to the women who had large families and small children who would come to church, sit on the pew with their little ones, noisy and squirming (many of these women ended up in the hallway chasing their children during the sermon), and then help prepare tables of food for the fellowship meal. Then while the men put away tables, fellowshipped, had their 'men only meetings' or watched the children play on the play ground, the women washed utensils and ensured the kitchen was clean. Needless to say that before long 10% of the church was doing 80% of the work because many families with many small children left without eating or as soon as the meal was over because they were so overburdened.

So there were gaps in the ministry and shepherding of many in the family integrated church.

After the experience we had I began to evaluate the value of a nursery. I know that many times when I arrived at church with my little ones I would be so happy to turn them over to the nursery workers so that I could have an hour to worship and focus on the Lord. Many times it was the only time all week that I could do that. And I must admit that, while I dislike the idea that some have to work on Sunday so that I can eat at a restaurant after church, I greatly enjoy it now and enjoyed it even more when my children were small. It was such a treat and I got one meal over with and someone else cleaned up.

Loving the church and juggling family duties can be hard and I wonder what a healthy balance is.

At the stage of life I am in now I am evaluating my place in the church and my desire to help others with small children. I feel I had all the answers when I was younger and the older I get the less I know. But I do want to help others who may be struggling and I am trying to seek God in this.

And I am enjoying my life right now. Probably more than I should. I love my solitude and my lack of a schedule. I realize it is just for a season but we all like some seasons better than others.