In case you were wondering

So about the masks...

Ever since I saw the little skit I wrote about I have thought much about the masks I wear.

And when I wear them.

Last year I was in the car listening to whatever talk radio I could find and I heard Dr. Julianna Slattery talking about her book Beyond the Masquerade. I was intrigued and made a mental note to go home and order the book from Amazon.
Of course, a week or two later when I remembered hearing about the book I couldn't remember the name of it or the author, ahhh....

So rather than beat myself up over it I forgot it. At least I thought I did, I mean I hear lots of authors on the radio and I really do forget most of them.

But over the next few months I would think about the masks I wear and really wish that I had that book.

Then last week when I started this new blog I thought about what I wanted it to be.

I wanted it to be a new start but also thoughts and ideas from who I really am.

In the past when I have blogged I would hide things I was uncomfortable with or just avoid them altogether. I am learning that is one of my major weaknesses--I retreat, pull into my shell and push everyone away when I don't want to face something unpleasant. There is a reason for this in my life but I never recognized it until the last couple of years.

So after I wrote about not wearing a mask here on this blog I started a search for the book and name of the author. Google is absolutely amazing and sometimes I just can't relate how thankful I am that I live in this day and age.

The book came yesterday and I am so glad I ordered it.

Perhaps, after I read more of it, I can let you know when, where, and why I started to wear masks.

You will find no masks here

Change usually starts when we begin to question ourselves.

When did I start wearing a mask?

Why?

When did I start pretending that everything in my life was okay--even when it wasn't?

Why?

When did I let people think I didn't need them in my life?

Why?

Once, at one of the many churches we have attended or visited over the years, we saw a short skit that focused on mask wearing. It started with a family arguing and bickering on their way to church and then when they walked into the church they carefully took out elaborate masks and put them on. When they interacted with anyone in the church they were hidden behind these lovely masks but when they left church and interacted with each other the masks were off.

It was a very powerful presentation.

One that I have thought of many, many times.

I do not want to wear a mask.

Ever.

Sometimes we have to. You know those times when someone asks you if the dress they are wearing is ugly or if the haircut they already got is awful.
We put our 'polite' mask on and tell them something nice.

But when we are having a bad day, or someone asks how we are doing, should we tell them the truth?

Have you ever shared something with someone you trusted only to find out they trusted that information with lots of others?

How do you trust again?

How do you keep yourself from putting the mask on when you are with that person?

I have decided that I won't wear a mask on this blog.

I will be me.

With all my faults.

I am a sinner saved by grace and I fail.

Over and over again.

I am messy and I am emotional and I can be just plain selfish at times. But I am trying. I am 'working out my salvation with fear and trembling'.

So, if you are expecting sweetness and light or pretense and lies--you may need to look somewhere else.

This new blog
and this new year
and this new life we are starting will include no masks, unless you ask me if you look fat or if you are talking too much.

I'll have to get to know you a bit before I can tell you the truth about you, but I am not going to hide behind the mask when it comes to the truth about me.